Life itself in Writing

    Hello world! It's another dreadful monday morning! I haven't written in a while, because I've been trying to figure out what to write about. So I guess I'll rant and see where this post takes me. :)

    Well, it's back to school soon. Only a few days left. School starts soon and I'm a little nervous, not only because I don't know my teachers. It's the usual beginning of school jitters. It's a bit exciting though too! I've thought a lot about my past years in high school and am looking forward to and hoping for a better year. High school drama hides in every corner. Also, the friend I mentioned a few posts ago that I've lost will be there everyday to remind me what happened. I'm not quite ready to confront her. I know I won't like seeing her because of what happened and how I felt and cried. I feel as though I've been betrayed. The drama will be hard to handle and I'll have to be ready for that.

Walking alone was always one of my weaknesses which was probably why I've always had poor judgement on choosing friends. I've lost many friends in my short life, and though some of it was my fault, I never ceased to keep trying. That is one factor in my life that I'm proud of myself for. I've not given up on finding my life long best friend. My father always used to tell me that I probably haven't met my best friend yet. And while that might be true, there are still other people in the world that I can talk to and rely on. Walking alone is my weakness. I hate being alone. Sometimes when I'm angry or I feel pushed away, I alienate myself further so that I can distance my pain and exclusion. And although that might not make any sense, it all makes sense to me. One way or another...   
 Life has a funny way of making sense.


Things happen based on what choices you, me, and others make. We all make mistakes, saying things we don't mean, and forgetting things we never meant to leave behind. We're only human. Sometimes we forget, sometimes we say what we feel, sometimes we say the exact opposite of what we feel, and someone always gets hurt. We've all been on both sides of the street, being the person who says, and being the person who hears it. Life has a funny way of happening. 

   

Think about life for a moment. This song is the song of the day.

Wrapped in your arms by Fireflight

    Hope you think about life a little bit as I have today. It's important, it's short and it's made up of wonderful people and things that we are all searching for. It's going to be hard, life is. Don't share the same weakness that I do. Don't give up. Don't let go.

Life Within a Dream

I've loved but haven't seen, all I've seen was a life within a dream. Now it will completely stay, as if I'm dreaming my whole life away. All that we do see, is it a life within a dream?

If life is what's left out, then what am I screaming about? Thus I am in too deep. I think I thought that I shall weep. Weep, why weep? Can any mountain be too steep?

Rather if it's falling off a mountain, or playing in a fountain. I don't know what kind of dream this is. Whether it's a nightmare or a dream, I'm still lonely and still unseen.

Whether the world is in a flood, or has falling droplets of blood; hurt or pain, tears or rain. I just want to wake up from my bed, because the whole wide world seems so dead.

I've drowned from my own eye's tears, and been scared by my own true fears. I'm in a circle of invisibility unseen. I can't see them either. How can this be?

My own true sorrow now awaken, though my heart has many times been taken. Through times it is still breaking. To the world I am unknown, all I love, I guess I loved alone.

I'll take the chance and turn away. Night is taken away by day. I'll take the chance that I've been given. In agony and suffering from this world, I'll keep living. I'll keep on living.

Life within a dream isn't what is seems. One day I'll wake up, and it will all just be a dream.

Poetry By Rachael Soderstrom (:

Writing and Iridescent

I've been thinking about what I want to do with my life since I'm nearing the end of my high school career. I've got a crappy job that I DON'T plan on staying at for the rest of my life. I've got a great passion in writing and am still learning many new things each day. I've been through thick and thin with just my writing alone. I know I want to make something out of it but I'm not so sure I'll be able to live off of it unless I'd really hit it big time. I'm 17 years old. I don't know a single 17 year old that is nine months away from adulthood that makes it big as an author... at least that young. I spend my time thinking about other things, thinking about how life is just one big puzzle and not every puzzle piece fits together. You have to find those special pieces that fit correctly or its just another useless piece of cardboard. It doesn't even have a full picture on it. It's always a part of someone's face or hair... Don't you hate it when like one hundred pieces look exactly the same? You have to go through each of them individually and with strategy too. It's just like life. I mean, most times you can just get through something. But if you don't study for that test, or watch out for that curb, you're going to trip and get an F.

I am constantly thinking about the future lately.
"Where will I go to college?"
"How am I going to pay for college?"
"What do I even want to do besides write?"
"Am I going to end up at Culver's forever?"
"Will I ever get a better job that I'll actually enjoy?"
"How will I get through this?"

No.... I make myself worry over things that I shouldn't yet. Even if it is almost time, doesn't mean I should yet. Perhaps thinking about college is the next step in my school career, but am I ready? It's far different than elementary, middle, and high school was, put together.
The future is a scary place and so is reality. I guess that's why I choose to write about things that I wish were true like super heroes, werewolves and other great topics that are nationally used. I surround myself in my own fantasy to keep from letting reality kick my butt.
And sometimes, I'll get a huge dose of reality. It DOES kick me in the butt sometimes, like "oh geez, I'm going to be a junior in high school. I'm going to be leaving home in a few years. In nine months, I'll be a legal adult."

My brain just starts swarming and I start to drowned in my thoughts and fears. The world is scary, the economy is scary. People all the time (including teachers) say we have to know what we want  to do with our lives and half the time, no body knows. They say we have to make something of it in order to have a good life and love living each and everyday! I don't know what I want to do. I'm still trying to figure out who I am becoming, and who I want to be in the future.

When I was little, all I wanted to be was a rockstar. I wanted to be heard and known for what I can do. I used to sing. I haven't entered any contests or sung much anyways since about eighth grade. Hard to explain... but I once won a gold medal for singing in a competition. :)

Oh the good old days.

I started thinking about life itself, what it is and what it does. For everyone, life is different. No two people are the same. Maybe the same interests, but no one is exactly the same. They say that worrying about the future is bad for your health, sometimes I agree. But then I start to think about my past and how THAT could effect my future. I know I shouldn't worry of the future or hold on to past pains.

This song made me think an awful lot today. I hope you don't worry too much.. life gives us obstacles.

Writing, an Impractical Dream, and DC Comics Mistake...

    We all want so many things in this life time ranging from socks, a new house, a new car, a boyfriend, a girl friend, pants that actually fit, and money. Every one is different, even if some of the wants and things they dream are the same. Like for instance, for my fifteenth birthday, i wanted a Batman cake. What fifteen year old girl actually wants a Batman cake? Heh?
    My dream was squashed today like a bug. I wanted to write a book that would include characters from DC Comics; Batman, Joker, Alfred Pennyworth, Lucius Foxx... but I read a list of things they do not dish out permission of use of their characters for and that includes novels. I can't believe after all this time it was for nothing. I wasted five freaking years. All those late nights, inspirational talks with friends, dreams, movie research, comic research... all for nothing. I'm left with nothing but words that will never mean something to the world. What's the purpose of following your dreams if people and companies like DC Comics don't permit usage of their characters to individual writers who want to A). make something more of the characters that DC Comics have name of and B). create something new and exciting.

    Honestly, I'm crushed. As my picture shows above, I'm utterly head over heels for Batman. T-shirts, birthday parties, drawings, movies, inspiration, logos, etc... all Batman and still, it's over. I've written more than 200 pages worth of a story and I'll never get to show the world.

   

In times of need, writing was my outlit and my savior. It helped me get through rough times in my life. It's hard to say that I'm not allowed to publish this book. So much work wasted over a five year span of effort, research, imagination, creativity and inspiration.

I just wish thing could have turned out better. Five years wasted and I could have had a different book finished. Now I have to start all over again, write something new, from scratch. I can see crabbiness in the near future. Hell, I even had actors and actresses picked out for when I'd make the movie. Is that sad? It's also just how I picture my characters looking like anyways.

Jensen Ackles - Mason Miller (Mine)

Christian Bale- Batman/Bruce Wayne (DC)

Michael Caine- Alfred Pennyworth (DC)

Olivia Wilde- Dr. Adrian (Mine)

Kate Beckinsale- Natasha Mckallister (Mine)

Amanda Seyfried-Elizabeth Collins (Mine)

I was so looking forward to this. For those of you that know these characters or have read some or all of the chapters, this is how i pictured them. Some of them were still being decided.

Writing at a Loss

I know it's been a while since I last wrote a blog. It occurred to me that I probably will never be one of those daily bloggers that I so hoped to be or that you see on shows like Sex and the City. That's not what my blog is about today.

Everyone loses a friend. I've lost quite a few in my time of seventeen years. It's really hard because some of the people you lose are exactly what you need but aren't meant to be. So many memories, inspirations, amounts of needed support, and encouragements. Things happen. Life goes on.

I had yet to show or explain that I have another talent other than writing. I like to make movies on Movie Maker... it's fun and I found myself doing this after spending sometime upset for the last day or so.

I guess I was only hoping she'd see this, but part of me is too hurt no matter what happens. So if she does, so be it. This was originally only posted up here for my grandmother because email says it's "too big a file" well whatever.

The story behind it is my friend and I had been having trouble. Through the years though, she's been a part of the inspiration and support that has gotten me so far on my books and through life in general. She meant the world to me as this video that i created this morning will show. I guess we weren't meant to be is all.

There is sound, so turn up your speakers. :')

It's really personal.

I guess that's why it hurts just thinking about it all.

A few days a go, everything was normal as it was, like I said, life happens. But, don't let me ruin the rest of your night. Have a good one.

Writing and a sad mistake

I know you're out there laughing

I know you're out there, just laughing at what I used to be.

I know that I used to be a joke, and you can't take me seriously.

I know you think I still love you, and you're rolling on the floor.

It's true that you don't love  me, like you did once before.

It's true that if I saw you, I'd cry into my pillow for days.

It's true what I felt for you, I felt in so many ways.

Sometimes I thought you were the one, especially when we'd pretended we had a son.

An inside joke that which was fake, I should've known it was all a mistake.

You got my dad to like you, when he like no body else.

He taught you to play the guitar, when we got real close.

If I'd only known, I'd have saved my heart from all these scars.

All these scars you've caused, all the pain you've caused.

And you see, this is kind of funny.

You don't see this as you're fault, but you, you were the one that left.

You were the one that changed, you were the one that kept;

all the secrets baby, you're the blind one.

This hurts me real bad.

It's true that if I saw you, I'd cry for so many days.

It's true what I felt for you, I felt in so many ways.

Sometimes I thought you were the one, especially when reaching for the son.

An inside joke that was so fake, I should've known you were a mistake.

It's true that if I saw you, the feelings might come up.

It's true that if I saw you, I'd be stuck in a rut.

You got into nasty stuff, alcohol, drugs and all that.

I know I called myself so fat, but you used to tell me to stop it wasn't true.

Then you stopped saying it, and I gained a few.

So you're probably out there laughing, saying you were the superior one in this fight.

Though it's true that if I saw you, I'd punch you in the face.

Don't think I wouldn't, I just actually might.

So don't come back and don't come near.

Our son is mine, so don't come back here.

You were once welcome, now you can't for fear.

Because I loved him, once I did.

He was once for me and not for you.

And if by chance he invades my space, I'll take my fist and smash his face.

The End

Tysr, F U... don't come back.

Writing... and a shower?

    I was in the shower this morning, thinking about a lot of things. One thing included this blog and what I've done with it so far. I've only just started but I feel better about myself. Writing really is my life, and it's the walls I build my kingdom with.

    Of course I'd love this to my castle, but my imagination isn't quite old enough or experienced enough to be as beautiful. Although, we all sing in the shower, this is my best place to be when I need to think of something to help finish my novel. The shower.... I know, weird huh? Seriously, it works. You start singing random words. That's what I do, and it leads me to a possible scene that can finish my latest chapters or poetry. It's strange. Who would have thought that a shower would be my place of knowledge? A lot of the time, I only receive small bits and pieces that I later connect the dots with. Like this is the clue to the riddle, or this is the right answer to my question. Don't you just love it when you've written questions that help you bind a book together, and suddenly, you'll be talking to some one and just see it or hear it?? You'll know that THIS IS IT! I've found that missing puzzle piece, or what I need to do to make sure that my character doesn't die, or find a way to make something more mysterious. I've had a few shining moments where I was speaking to someone and randomly received a smack in the face by an answer to all my problems. (Well, not all of them. Just the ones that concern my latest scenes, or the ones near the end of the book).

    Another way I try to calm myself and find hidden ideas in objects is I look at old family pictures, and/or just pictures in general. Your brain starts to work and you start to think.

 what would it be like if this?

 What would I see?

What would I smell?

How could this have happened?

 Remember when?

    This photo is of when I was five years old. :) Ohhh, the memories. I used to wake up at the crack of dawn, climb on the counters and eat oreos for breakfast! Long before my mother or father would wake up. Sadly, I don't have a picture for that. The right photo is of my cousin Hazel and myself. It was a recent birthday party that was Hawaiian themed. So we had flower necklaces and hats and coconut bras.

    Looking at pictures that make you wonder and think is a way to get your mind creatively up and running. This for instance makes me think.

My friend took this picture at a My Chemical Romance concert. It actually looks really cool! I got goosebumps when I first saw it, and to this day, I have no clue why! Just to think for yourself? What are you thinking at this very second? Get your creative juices flowing.

Another type of photo to look at, a funny memory of something you or someone else did. I was going through my stuff to give away and I asked a few of my friends if they wanted anything before we gave it all to Good Will. My friend threw on a silly hat, one of my bras and acted like a pirate for the next hour! :) Doesn't it just make you smile? I know I do everytime I think about it. We laughed and giggled and I enjoyed myself.

I hope this blog has made you smile, laugh and help you find a way to write easier.

Enjoy the rest of your day!