"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." -Mahatma Gandhi
I didn't realize how strong I was till that was all I had left.
Things are better now. I'm driving, sending college applications, and having more confidence than I've ever had in myself before. The only thing missing from my life right now is the writing. I haven't written much in months. That's why the post before this one was full of photos meant to inspire. That's what I need right now. Inspiration. A writer isn't a writer without her writing. She's just empty, because it's who I am. I know things are hard, but they're getting better. Things are getting easier and I couldn't be happier about it. I'm passing all my classes with flying colors, not to mention I'm in high courses and college courses as well. :)
I've listened to a lot of music lately. I have a few new favorites.
Love should make you happy. It makes all the stars in the sky sparkle that much more, especially when you look up at the sky from the ground with the one you gave your heart to. It makes the sun go down to the sun rise of a beautiful new day.
Love should make you smile. Laughing is better than crying, and when I feel like crying, that's when I start to laugh. If you know me, and you see something is bothering me, then you know that when I'm laughing, I'm trying so hard not to cry.
Love skips a beat.When the holder of your heart whispers "I love you" you can't help but to hold your breath and wait for their arms to wrap around you. That when your feeling safe and secure in their embrace, nothing can go wrong.
When they love you back. That is the greatest feeling when it is no lie because then you're not alone. You don't have to take on the weight of the world on your own. That your are finally someone else's number one priority.
Love is knowing all about someone and still wanting to be with him and by his side, more than any other person.
Love is trusting them enough to tell them every single thing about yourself including the things you might be ashamed of.
Loving someone so deeply gives the strength to keep going when you wouldn't normally have the ability to, but being loved so deeply gives you the courage to.
The fact that you get butterflies in the pit of your stomach when someone mentions their name. They are all you can think about. You don't want them to let you go.
If they complete you, make you happy, and support you through everything. They love you unconditionally.
Where all their mistakes and past is forgiveable and you feel like you can't live without them.
But what is love? Is it the feeling you get when you lay eyes on them? Is it the feeling you get when you know they love you back?
I believe it is the way you made me whole, the way you hold me close. It isn't the jewelry they buy you, or the fact that they gave you their class ring to wear (which is still VERY cute) love is indescribable. There is no definition.You just feel it, and you know it's there.
We only wish for things in our life that make us feel; feel what other things or people don't. That's why we have friends, love, favorites and hobbies. This is what I wish for:
To be able to write my book and eventually publish it. It's been my dreams to be a successful writer.
To be friends with the same group of people. I'm sick and tired of losing people close to me.
To not feel like life is too complicated to live it.
To see the sunrise without a care in the world, only the rebirth of a new day as the sun climbs the sky.
I want to be able to be good enough for myself, and do good enough for myself and everyone else.
I don't want to feel weak anymore because I know I'm not.
I want a relationship that doesn't end in a fight. "Because everytime we start to fight, we never seem to get it right, and everytime you make me cry, I love you a little bit more."
That people could see me as I am, especially you.
Not to have to fake it.
That one day it won't hurt to hear the words you once said to me.
Because someday, I could be happy again too. I deserve it.
How can a single being touch my soul and carry my heart?
How can one touch my heart and set me free?
Even as I don't pretend to be someone but myself, or someone I'm not.
A single shiver let's me know I'm awake,
That I'm not dreaming;
That reality is finally better than my dreams.
What life without love is better than the subconscious of the night?
Where the only things surrounding me with warmth and safety are the sheets I sleep beneath.
I wish to never lose this feeling,
this warm tingling in my chest,
this fuzzy fluttering in my stomach.
How can it be that my dreams don't seem as great?
Because I've found something better,
something to keep me going through the storm.
The continuous, everlasting storm,
the rain and clouds that always surround;
how can it be that the rain turns to flames,
and every last word evaporates when just being in the presence of the loving.
How would I know that the cold, desolate heart of ice could feel the warmth of fire and flames?
When the owner of that heart never thought possible.
Is it wrong to visualize this as a one-time, terminable thing?
That one such as I could be scared of this ending as it has before,
Is it bad to feel paranoid,
that every moment could be the last,
every memory could be tarnished,
that I would be the only unable to let go should it head south?
Could the ice extinguish the flames that warm my soul?
Or am I just scared that a love can't be had,
that all the seconds of eternity wouldn't be long enough?
From ice to fire, from rain to flames,
This heart has irrevocably and completely changed.
The ice cold is bearable now,
because of the heat melting through,
just as easily through my barriers;
the ones I surround myself with too.
It isn't effortless to reach my heart through the many walls placed around it,
though with ease you seem to float passed as if they were non-existent.
How is it possible for this to be painless?
What you do just by breathing is more than I could ever ask for.
The bitter cold is beginning fade,
and trickle down till all that's left is what was inside the barricaded confinement.
Without what you've given me, I'd have never been free.
