Thursday, August 18, 2011
I've loved but haven't seen, all I've seen was a life within a dream. Now it will completely stay, as if I'm dreaming my whole life away. All that we do see, is it a life within a dream?
If life is what's left out, then what am I screaming about? Thus I am in too deep. I think I thought that I shall weep. Weep, why weep? Can any mountain be too steep?
Rather if it's falling off a mountain, or playing in a fountain. I don't know what kind of dream this is. Whether it's a nightmare or a dream, I'm still lonely and still unseen.
Whether the world is in a flood, or has falling droplets of blood; hurt or pain, tears or rain. I just want to wake up from my bed, because the whole wide world seems so dead.
I've drowned from my own eye's tears, and been scared by my own true fears. I'm in a circle of invisibility unseen. I can't see them either. How can this be?
My own true sorrow now awaken, though my heart has many times been taken. Through times it is still breaking. To the world I am unknown, all I love, I guess I loved alone.
I'll take the chance and turn away. Night is taken away by day. I'll take the chance that I've been given. In agony and suffering from this world, I'll keep living. I'll keep on living.
Life within a dream isn't what is seems. One day I'll wake up, and it will all just be a dream.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
I am constantly thinking about the future lately.
"Where will I go to college?"
"How am I going to pay for college?"
"What do I even want to do besides write?"
"Am I going to end up at Culver's forever?"
"Will I ever get a better job that I'll actually enjoy?"
"How will I get through this?"
No.... I make myself worry over things that I shouldn't yet. Even if it is almost time, doesn't mean I should yet. Perhaps thinking about college is the next step in my school career, but am I ready? It's far different than elementary, middle, and high school was, put together.
The future is a scary place and so is reality. I guess that's why I choose to write about things that I wish were true like super heroes, werewolves and other great topics that are nationally used. I surround myself in my own fantasy to keep from letting reality kick my butt.
And sometimes, I'll get a huge dose of reality. It DOES kick me in the butt sometimes, like "oh geez, I'm going to be a junior in high school. I'm going to be leaving home in a few years. In nine months, I'll be a legal adult."
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
My dream was squashed today like a bug. I wanted to write a book that would include characters from DC Comics; Batman, Joker, Alfred Pennyworth, Lucius Foxx... but I read a list of things they do not dish out permission of use of their characters for and that includes novels. I can't believe after all this time it was for nothing. I wasted five freaking years. All those late nights, inspirational talks with friends, dreams, movie research, comic research... all for nothing. I'm left with nothing but words that will never mean something to the world. What's the purpose of following your dreams if people and companies like DC Comics don't permit usage of their characters to individual writers who want to A). make something more of the characters that DC Comics have name of and B). create something new and exciting.
In times of need, writing was my outlit and my savior. It helped me get through rough times in my life. It's hard to say that I'm not allowed to publish this book. So much work wasted over a five year span of effort, research, imagination, creativity and inspiration.
Michael Caine- Alfred Pennyworth (DC)
Olivia Wilde- Dr. Adrian (Mine)
Kate Beckinsale- Natasha Mckallister (Mine)
Amanda Seyfried-Elizabeth Collins (Mine)
I was so looking forward to this. For those of you that know these characters or have read some or all of the chapters, this is how i pictured them. Some of them were still being decided.