Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Writing and Iridescent

I've been thinking about what I want to do with my life since I'm nearing the end of my high school career. I've got a crappy job that I DON'T plan on staying at for the rest of my life. I've got a great passion in writing and am still learning many new things each day. I've been through thick and thin with just my writing alone. I know I want to make something out of it but I'm not so sure I'll be able to live off of it unless I'd really hit it big time. I'm 17 years old. I don't know a single 17 year old that is nine months away from adulthood that makes it big as an author... at least that young. I spend my time thinking about other things, thinking about how life is just one big puzzle and not every puzzle piece fits together. You have to find those special pieces that fit correctly or its just another useless piece of cardboard. It doesn't even have a full picture on it. It's always a part of someone's face or hair... Don't you hate it when like one hundred pieces look exactly the same? You have to go through each of them individually and with strategy too. It's just like life. I mean, most times you can just get through something. But if you don't study for that test, or watch out for that curb, you're going to trip and get an F.

I am constantly thinking about the future lately.
"Where will I go to college?"
"How am I going to pay for college?"
"What do I even want to do besides write?"
"Am I going to end up at Culver's forever?"
"Will I ever get a better job that I'll actually enjoy?"
"How will I get through this?"

No.... I make myself worry over things that I shouldn't yet. Even if it is almost time, doesn't mean I should yet. Perhaps thinking about college is the next step in my school career, but am I ready? It's far different than elementary, middle, and high school was, put together.
The future is a scary place and so is reality. I guess that's why I choose to write about things that I wish were true like super heroes, werewolves and other great topics that are nationally used. I surround myself in my own fantasy to keep from letting reality kick my butt.
And sometimes, I'll get a huge dose of reality. It DOES kick me in the butt sometimes, like "oh geez, I'm going to be a junior in high school. I'm going to be leaving home in a few years. In nine months, I'll be a legal adult."
My brain just starts swarming and I start to drowned in my thoughts and fears. The world is scary, the economy is scary. People all the time (including teachers) say we have to know what we want  to do with our lives and half the time, no body knows. They say we have to make something of it in order to have a good life and love living each and everyday! I don't know what I want to do. I'm still trying to figure out who I am becoming, and who I want to be in the future.
When I was little, all I wanted to be was a rockstar. I wanted to be heard and known for what I can do. I used to sing. I haven't entered any contests or sung much anyways since about eighth grade. Hard to explain... but I once won a gold medal for singing in a competition. :)
Oh the good old days.

I started thinking about life itself, what it is and what it does. For everyone, life is different. No two people are the same. Maybe the same interests, but no one is exactly the same. They say that worrying about the future is bad for your health, sometimes I agree. But then I start to think about my past and how THAT could effect my future. I know I shouldn't worry of the future or hold on to past pains.

This song made me think an awful lot today. I hope you don't worry too much.. life gives us obstacles.


  1. I'm sure you won't stay at Culver's for very long, especially if you don't like it. With college you should start looking around and seeing what colleges you like and stuff. Those puzzle pieces will fall into place when you get to them I'm sure. You just need to keep at it and eventually that image will form into something amazing. And Linkin Park is truely the greatest band I know!! :D

  2. NOW I get the title!!! I just listened to the video. Very nice, Rach!

    Don't worry so much about your future, you've got lots of people in your life that love you and will give you direction, advice,and help with these decisions as you go. It will ALL work out in the end.

    Grams xoxo :)

  3. I agree with Grammy! Don't worry Pookie! And if you find yourself still worrying despite the direction of your Grandma and your Mom telling you not to, then we'll have ourselves a little girl chat tomorrow and I'll tell you how you can worry less! love you! xoxo